July 18, 2013

Dear Tatum,

In the first letter I sent you I wrote, "When people ask me how she is, I say she’s dying, but it’s slow. And that’s how it is." Well, the results of the colonoscopy and colonography have confirmed what I felt. I could say it before under the premise that anyone who is 95 years old is dying; after all, in a sense we all are. But now it's been confirmed. At Grandma's appointment with Dr. Zawada on Thursday she told us what Dr. Epstein had found: a mass growing in her intestines. There is evidence it is fast growing because they did a scan in January and it wasn't there. I can tell you this: it is much easier to say someone is dying theoretically than to have a doctor tell you that someone you love is dying. It did not come as a shock. It came as a shock. 

Dr. Zawada is convinced it's cancer and we believe her. We are not sticking a needle in Grandma to find out more. Dr. Zawada says Grandma would not come out of the hospital if she went in for surgery and we believe her. Grandma will not be getting surgery. Dr. Zawada recommended hospice and we agreed with her. Grandma will be entering hospice. 

Dr. Zawada also mentioned the Family Medical Leave Act. I wrote to my superintendent the minute we got home and was granted a 12 week leave by the next morning. I am so fortunate. I will be staying with Grandma to care for her, hopefully for the duration. 

Everything just changed.

Love,

Gin